Q. I know that I should be doing more with my writing. I love to write but I haven’t published anything and haven’t even showed my work to anyone for a very long time. I used my writing skills in college and in the jobs I had after graduation. But after I had my children and stopped working outside of the home, I’ve pretty much been writing for my own pleasure and to keep up my skills. The kids are getting older and it’s time for me to start looking at what I want to do with the rest of my life. What I want to do is write but I am scared to start putting my work out there. I really worry that it’s not that good, that people won’t like it and I’ll appear foolish.
A. I hope you know that you’re not alone in this fear. Many people worry that they will look foolish if they put themselves out there.
Let me share a story I heard many years ago that had a big impact on me.
There was a speed skater who was training for the Olympics and his times were indicating that he would never make the cut. His coach knew he was capable of much more and told the skater that the reason he was not getting faster was that he was afraid he was going to fall. If he just stopped stopping himself from falling, he would eventually get faster. So in essence, the coach’s advice was “fall and don’t be afraid to fall”, because the falling would eventually lead him to success.
So let’s apply this to you and your situation. You have a skill…you can write. You have some proof that you have been successful at it in the past…you’ve had pieces published before. (Resist the urge at this point to say “But that was a long time ago!”). You are afraid you are no longer good at it. You are afraid you will be judged.
In essence, you are afraid to fall flat on your face and of looking foolish. Here are some important principles around this subject:
1. “What if…” statements are the hallmarks of anxiety. The more you say them, the more anxious you become. What ifs do not lead anywhere except down into more doubts which will eventually lead you to give up. Try saying instead: “Why not try?”, “The worst that will happen is that I will look foolish…I can survive that”.
2. Keeping your work secret and not getting it out here is playing “safe”. By not risking you are giving into fear and a false belief that there isn’t another opportunity for you to succeed again. This simply isn’t true. Your fear is limiting your options. Writing is a skill you learned (yes you also had talent)…and if you could get published once, it can happen again (and again). Get your skills refreshed - take a class or get a coach. This is true for any skill or talent that we have let go dormant.
3. Just like the skater in the story, don’t stop yourself from falling. The more you fall, the more you will learn how not to fall and you will gain confidence in your abilities. Begin to share your work in safe environments. Join a writer’s group. Get some critiques under your belt. It won’t always be comfortable, but if you learn not to take them personally, they will give you the impetus to grow. Take a risk. Write a piece and submit it. Even if it’s rejected, it’s not the end of the world; rework it, refine it and submit it again.
The only way you will ever succeed in any endeavor is to allow yourself to take the risk that you will not succeed. Each time you try you strengthen your feeling of self-efficacy. Each time you get up and try again strengthens your feeling of personal power.
Kate Sanner, LCSW-C
http://accesscounselingcolumbia.com/wp/?page_id=51
(c)2009
The truth is these kinds of statements are not empowering and keep us at the effect of people and circumstances in our lives. Here are some important principles to help empower you around this subject:
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A sense of purpose is what motivates you. It is, in essence, what makes you glad to get up in the morning and reluctant to stop doing what you love to go to bed at night. Your self-esteem grows when you come to acknowledge and appreciate your purpose and the unique contribution you are making….no matter what it is.
personally known to you, it’s a good idea to read up on them and learn their strategies for success or their path to a fulfilling life. Pick and choose what to incorporate into your own life and as with everything else, put your own unique spin on it. You can also regard these mentors as a “board of directors” or “board of advisors” - when a decision needs to be made, mentally run it past your “board” members and think how they would advise you.
people have negative connotations about power…it corrupts, it subjugates; it controls and abuses people, it’s something rich (a.k.a. dishonest) people have. Many women have learned the hard way to fear power. And from reading and listening to countless news stories of corporate and government leaders being brought down by their own greed and misuse of power, is it any wonder power has gotten such a bad reputation?
First, set a goal for your life, no matter how small it may seem now. Recognize that any goal can be broken down into small manageable steps. Take the first step…then give yourself acknowledgement that you have accomplished it. Look around from this new position, then plan and take your next step. No matter what the goal, just keep stepping. Avoid thinking that a small step isn’t good enough. The old saying that nothing succeeds like success applies beautifully here. A small step achieved will bring a feeling of success which will then make you want to do more. Soon all the successes string together which in turn increases self esteem.
In this post, I will look at the second building block - a sense of your own uniqueness. Remember that self-esteem is a feeling—a sense of satisfaction with self. Your uniqueness consists of qualities and attributes that make you different, and set you apart. What makes this build self-esteem is recognizing, acknowledging and respecting this “different-ness” and then consistently acting in ways that express it.
reading and learning. For example, turn your car into a university on wheels by listening to educational and motivational CD’s.